My current state of mind is feeling very restless. I can’t sit down for long enough, I sit down then I stand up and walk out of the room go to another room and then walk out. I’m feeling really insecure; I keep asking Richard (my boyfriend) the typical ” do you love”. I’m feeling stress and I don’t want to use this word: depress. I somehow today force myself to go out today - only to the nearest local shopping town centre, I got there walk round for a bit then after 30 mines wanted to go home, I realized I missed my bus (I hate hourly bus service) so I thought I have a pizza hut buffet - after two pizza slices and cold pasta I was full up (plus I felt guilty about it). Paid and only to realized I miss that stupid bus again so I got the train home which annoyed me.

I think I’m having too many personal problems, I tried telling Richard how I’m feeling but you know what guys are like - you might as well talk to a wall. Work problem, money problem, weight problem, food problem and image problem.

I somehow have to force myself to go out tonight for a friend leaving drinks, I might have a few bailey drinks, air kisses some people, cheer for some England match going on and leave. I keep saying going out will make me feel better. I don’t know how.

*sigh* these friends of mine are travelling; I keep saying that they going to kidnapped me and take me with them. They think I’m joking, I’m not - I’m deadly serious.